PACA! And other substantive things

I am excited to say that we have been in CBT for almost 4 weeks now! The experience has been complex, to say the least, and I for one have experienced an astounding array of emotions over the course of the past month. I've been excited, overwhelmed, exhausted, inspired, homesick, happy, frustrated...and the list goes on. Through all of it, though, an awareness of the amount we are learning every day remains with me. After only a month in country, I am certain that I know more Darija than I ever knew of German, a language which I studied  for more than 2 years - and that's incredible!

We only have about 3 and a half weeks of training left (wow!), and have now started delving into some of the more substantive, work-related elements of our training. Communicating in Darija and adjusting culturally are both clear necessities for doing our work well, and they remain the priority - but I'm excited to be gaining tools and frameworks for the kind of development work we'll be doing in our final sites.

For the past week or so, we have been particularly focused on PACA: Participatory Analysis for Community Action. We all heard a lot about PACA during our orientation in Rabat, but it wasn't until I actually read the manual that I realized how essential and meaningful it is to Peace Corps service. Per the PACA manual, the basic philosophy is as follows:

"PACA is a development approach that has evolved out of a concentrated effort to put participatory development principles into practice. Peace Corps has long espoused the principles of community-based participation, and PACA represents a commitment to that tradition." 

 "The process is a gender-sensitive one which must include the voices of women and men; that community members are partners, not laboratory specimens; that the approach is based on group participation, not household surveys; and that the goal is the development of a partnership, not the extraction of information."

I was so excited to read about this approach, as it fits so well with my own ideas about how development work - and all social programs - should work. Since applying to be a Peace Corps volunteer, I have thought a lot about my intention to participate in culturally-relevant projects - in other words, my commitment to not become a culturally imperialistic, "I'm-the-American-who-can-save-you" type of development worker. Not only is that attitude incredibly ethnocentric, it is also typically unsuccessful and even harmful to those being served. Thus, when I found that Peace Corps not only embraces this methodology, but that also emphasizes it and integrates it into training - wow. Plus, I was pleasantly surprised by the purposeful emphasis on gender issues, both in PACA's philosophy and throughout the methodology. Rather than being a side issue, casually mentioned every now and then (which happens all to often), gender is continually framed as an inseparable element of our analysis and our work. Reading PACA, I was once again reminded of how awesome this organization is and how great a fit Peace Corps is for my passions and goals in life.

PACA involves many steps, and we are going to be practicing a bit with implementing each one while we are here in our CBT site, with the help of each other and our Language-Cultural Facilitator, Omar. The goal is for us to get our feet wet and have some experience with the process, so that when we get to our final sites we can feel confident implementing it on our own.

We started last week with something called Community Mapping, and I'm excited to say that it was a great success! The goal of Community Mapping is to learn about the community as a whole in a participatory, interactive way, gaining an understanding of a variety of things: different spheres of activity, resources available, who benefits from which resources and why, frequently visited areas, what resources are lacking in the community, gender differences (division of labor, integration, relative importance of resources, etc), population centers, etc.

The point here is not to draw a simple map outlining various streets and locations; rather, it is to tell the story of a community - to understand what is important to whom, the reasons behind it, and what the needs of the community are, from the perspective of those living and working there. It is a truly wonderful concept, and such an effective and meaningful method for understanding a community.

Last week, we invited members of the community to the Dar Chebab, where we have language lessons, to participate in the Community Mapping with us. We were very lucky, because we're already connected with one of the active associations in Marja that work on youth/community issues. Two members of our group - Lee and Kitty - have host family members who are active in the association, so they were able to help us out with inviting interested people to the meeting!

We broke everyone into two groups - men and women, and had them draw Marja, as they see it - what's important, what's utilized / not utilized, what happens where, who visits different places, etc.

Both maps were incredibly detailed, and it was clear that everyone was really invested in drawing socially, economically, and spatially accurate maps. When they were complete, we came together as a group to discuss what was included on each map, why, and what it meant for the community's needs. The discussions were enlightening on many levels: we learned about the different areas of Marja (and the fact that it's actually comprised of three different neighborhoods), resource distribution, and the problems facing those working on youth and gender issues. 

The men's map

The women's map

A recurring theme from both groups was access to resources - since so many of the services (youth center, women's center, bank, government office, etc.) are located in one small area, it is difficult for those who live outside of that area to access those resources. This is particularly true for youth and women who could benefit from the centers, but who face safety concerns when walking long distances across the community alone, especially at night. They told us that if we want to get more youth into Dar Chebabs and more women into women's centers, this issue has to be addressed. Even though we can't feasibly solve that problem with our remaining 3 weeks in Marja, we can certainly take this lesson with us and apply it to our future work in our final sites.

Marja, as drawn by us PCTs - clearly not as detailed!

Although there's still so much to learn before swearing in, I'm getting excited about the prospect of developing projects in my final site. Two years is a short time in many ways, but it is long in many others, and I'm pumped about all of the work that could be done in that timeframe. I still don't know where I'll be, but trust that I'll be writing all about it as soon as I know!

A day off and a breathtaking adventure

Training, training, training! There is so much to tell, and so little time to share all of it with you!

Last week we had the opportunity to help out with the spring camp for youth at our local Dar Chebab - it was at once challenging yet easy, fun yet exhausting, and above all, eye-opening. It was a great chance to see the kind of work currently being done for youth in Morocco - and a chance to spread our wings a bit and do some real work. I'm still doing some mental debriefing about the experience, but I hope to write about it in greater detail soon. I know I keep making promises to write about this and that at a mysterious time called "soon," but I will, bear with me! :)

For now, what I'd really like to share with you is a bit about our adventure on Sunday. A group of us took advantage of our day off (they are few and far between, yet so very needed during training!) by taking a trip to visit some PCTs living in Moulay Yacoub. Moulay Yacoub is a tad touristy, but I could understand why immediately upon arriving: it is an absolutely breathtaking town built into a hillside, amongst miles and miles of rolling hills and small mountains. A walk through the town is a beautiful maze of winding stairs, and the view of the hills beyond is never father than a look over your shoulder.

A group of 8 of us - two from my CBT, four from other CBTs around Fes, and two who are training in Youlay Macoub - went on a day-long hike and picnic through the hills neighboring the town. It was exactly what I - and I think all of us, in fact - needed, especially after weeks in cities like Rabat and Fes. Everyone knows how much I love citites, but I also never underestimate the sheer power of nature's beauty in warming the soul. Training, frankly, can be exhausting at times - we are living in a new culture, staying with a host family who speaks a different language and has different customs than those we're used to, studying Darija almost contstantly, and adjusting to making new lives for ourselves here. All of that, although helpful and wonderful in many ways, is a lot to take on - and a day in the magnificent rolling hills of Moulay Yacoub with wonderful friends was rejuvenating for the mind, body, and soul. Even now, looking back on it almost feels like a dream.

It's difficult to express this experience in sentences, so I'll share with you the poem I wrote while sitting atop one of the peaks on our hike. It's about nature, wonder, and the truth that can be found in the world's beauty:


Simultaneity

Nature, like music,
Charms the soul
Truth plays like notes on the wind
And mysteries unlock
From times long forgotten
Yet still to be found

Hills, new and changing
Yet older than we know
At once rolling, yet still
Singular, plural

Unison, simultaneity
Faith, perspective

Clouds, as shadows
Roll time across hills
As sky with earth become one

Grasses, billow in a breeze
Like water under wind
Water’s waves, a sea of golden earth

Unison, simultaneity
Faith, perspective

Nature, like music,
Charms the soul
Winds blow melodies into hearts
As lungs inhale new hopes
Exhale old fears
And remember dreams once lost




 

A Day in the Life of a PCT

I’m excited to say that I’ve made it through my first full week of CBT (community-based training)! I feel as though it’s been much less than one week and also much more than one week, both at the same time.

I already have so much to write and tell everyone about, but there isn’t nearly enough time left over to cover it all here, even if I wrote for hours! Rather than trying to cover everything, I thought I’d give a general picture of what a typical day looks like in my new life as a PCT (Peace Corps Trainee)! This post is going to be long, so hold onto your hats! J

- CBT in brief: For about 8 weeks, we train and live in a community known as our CBT site. There are 6 of us in my group, plus our LCF (language-cultural facilitator). We’re living in a neighborhood called Marja, which is on the outskirts of the great city of Fes and has a breathtaking view of some small mountains. We each live with a different host family in the neighborhood and come together during the day for language and cultural lessons.

- My host family: I live with a wonderful family in an apartment right around the corner from the Dar Chebab where we have our lessons every day! I have a host mom, host dad, two host sisters and a host brother. My host sisters are ages 17 and 26, and my host brother is 16, so it’s a really fun dynamic in our house. Plus, the rest of the family lives in the apartments next door and across the street from us, so there are usually various people coming in and out, saying hello and visiting with us. My host family is incredibly generous – they’ve welcomed me into their home with a level of hospitality that amazes me every day. My host sister made me a beautiful bracelet with my name sewed into it with beads, and they bought me a pair of Moroccan house slippers to wear as well! Just when I thought the generosity might have reached its peak, they surprised me with two gorgeous Moroccan outfits to wear and threw a huge party for me with henna and everything! I am so blown away – I feel as though even in English I don’t possess words to adequately express how thankful I am for them!

     

     

    

Here’s a look at our typical daily schedule:

- Wake up around 7 and have breakfast with my host family, which consists of various delicious breads with jelly, cheese, olives, and eggs. (Don’t worry – I will of course dedicate an entire post to describing all the wonderful food of Morocco in more detail very soon J). My host dad is the principal of the school near our house, so sometimes after breakfast he takes me by there to meet the teachers and say hello to some of the kids. It’s really a wonderful opportunity, because meeting with local teachers and students will obviously be a key part in developing new activities for the Dar Chebab later in our training.

- Intensive language lessons all morning at the Dar Chebab (youth center) with the CBT group, led by Omar. Our Darija is progressing, shwiya b shwiya (little by little)! Some of the sounds in Arabic that were really difficult to pronounce in the beginning are starting to be more familiar, and we are actually putting together some nifty sentences now! We work hard and learn a lot each day, but we also have a ton of fun together, laughing at ourselves and having fun with the new language. Just as an example, we’ve discovered that the phrase for, “Do you need help?” -- “Wesh en Eawnik?” sounds a lot like, “Wash an owls neck!” It sounds silly and cracks me up every time I think of it, but you know what?: I’ll never forget how to say that phrase! I’m finding that a sense of humor and at least a few good belly laughs every day can make anything more manageable.

- We each have lunch with our respective host families from around 12:30 – 2. The lunch break here is typically long like this, and it seems like Moroccans often come home from school/work to eat and spend time with their families for a bit during this time. As someone who’s been busy and eating lunch on the go a lot in the past, I have to say that the built-in long lunch break is awesome. It’s such a great way to recharge, especially when my brain feels fried after hours of language classes. My host dad usually talks to me about my day in Darija, such as inquiring about what we learned that morning or what I think about the weather. It’s such a great feeling every time I have a full conversation in Darija, and those moments are happening more and more often, shwiya b shwiya!

- In the afternoons, our CBT group gets together for various cultural and community education activities. Some days we have conversations about specific topics such as norms and values; sometimes we walk around, familiarizing ourselves with the community; and sometimes we simply sit at a café drinking kahuwa (coffee) and talking about our experiences with the culture so far. The café chats together are truly therapeutic for us – it can get really exhausting constantly feeling as though you’re struggling to communicate, so it’s nice to sit with each other, talk, listen, learn from one-another, and be understood. I honestly don’t know what I would do without my CBT group! Support systems manifest themselves in various ways during Peace Corps service, and it’s already obvious how important we will be to one-another during these weeks. We’ve also met with local officials and seen the women’s center in the area, which is really amazing. Just as there are Dar Chebabs in communities all over Morocco, there are many women’s centers like the one in here in Marja, dedicated to empowerment, literacy, various clubs, and much more. I’m sure I’ll write more about this soon, but I was really encouraged and inspired by what I saw of the center here, and I hope to be involved with one like it in my final site, wherever that might be.

- I return back to my host family around 6 or 7pm, and hang out with them the rest of the night. We have the pre-dinner “snack time” when I get back, and its usually some yummy combination of breads, jam, cookies, olives, peanuts, eggs, and other appetizer-type things. My family is super excited about helping me learn Darija, so oftentimes they teach me new words and phrases through conversations, or they point out objects and tell me the Darija words for them while we watch the Turkish soap operas or Moroccan Idol (that’s right – Moroccan Idol. It’s pretty awesome, not going to lie). I feel really lucky to have a family that is so eager to help me with the language – there are many words or phrases that I’ve learned from my family even before encountering them in the language class. When I brought out my Darija book a few nights ago to study before dinner, my host sisters immediately gathered around me to have a look and learn some of the English translations of phrases. It was truly inspiring to see how excited they became for the opportunity to learn – they were asking me how to pronounce things, pulling out notebooks and copying phrases down, and practicing alongside me. I wouldn’t have really expected this, but teaching them the English versions of phrases actually helped solidify my Darija on an entirely new level. Plus, it helped to significantly reduce the self-consciousness that I experience sometimes when I have trouble pronouncing words - hearing them learning (and sometimes stumbling over) new words and asking me questions really boosted my confidence and reminded me that learning a new language is a process for everyone.

- We eat our actual dinner around 9pm, which is early compared with most of the families in our group - it’s actually fairly common for Moroccans to stay up late and eat dinner between 11 and 12 at night! Dinner is usually a smaller meal compared with lunch, and my family goes to bed soon afterward, which also seems to be fairly less common amongst Moroccans. I usually head to my room and journal a bit, listen to music, or whatever else for a few hours before going to sleep – it’s my much-needed “me time!”

Whew!! As you can see, our days are extremely full! CBT is designed to be an immersion into Moroccan culture, and it definitely succeeds at being just that. The language classes and cultural discussions provide us with some structured learning and guidance, while our interactions with host families and other community members serve as real-life learning experiences with Moroccan customs and lifestyles. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel utterly exhausted from time to time – nearly every interaction with Moroccans is an exercise in the new language, and you can imagine how that can get overwhelming after awhile. Even so, I’m really impressed and happy with how thorough our training process is, from the LCF’s structured training to our integration through host families. I think some people have an idea about Peace Corps that we are just dropped in the middle of a new country, with no more than a handbook and a “good luck,” and that couldn’t be further from the truth! These two months are going to involve a lot of effort to learn Darija and become comfortable with a new culture, but I truly feel confident that we’ll all be ready to work when our training period ends and we move to our permanent sites. Of course we won’t be fluent, and of course there will be much yet to learn, but we’ll be ready. With a host family like mine and such a wonderful CBT group, I feel more supported than I think I expected. Shwiya b shwiya, we are becoming more comfortable – and it’s only the end of week one!

To those back home: thank you so much for all of your love and support! I miss you all, and I think of you every day! I don’t have a lot of spare time just yet, but I look forward to talking with some loved ones back home on Skype sometime in the future. Check out the “Contact Me” tab for information about how to mail me letters, if that’s something you’d want to do (p.s. I love letters J )!

Much love!

KAZ

First Photos

Masa ilxhir!
Good afternoon!

Wow! We had the day off yesterday, and it was such a relief to finally get a break and explore Rabat a little more!The intensive cultural and language training is very helpful, but exhausting after several days of it in a row. A group of us spent the entire day walking around the city and seeing everything we could - and when I say the entire day, I mean 9am to 9pm! The sights were absolutely breathtaking and the people I shared them with are amazing. Inshallah I'll find some time to write all about it soon, but for now I have just long enough to post a few pictures! Enjoy!

 We're in a hotel in Rabat for training, and here's the view from my room!

 Say hello to the Atlantic :)

 Outside the Medina (old city) wall!

We visited Chellah, which is ancient Roman and Islamic ruins in Rabat. The picture doesn't quite capture how breathtaking this place is.


Only 2 more days in Rabat until departing for CBT in Fes!

I love and miss everyone so much! More soon!
Bslama (goodbye)!

Salamu-Halakum!

Hello to all from Morocco!

It’s only been five days since my departure from home, but I can honestly say that it feels more like a week or so. My mind feels as foggy now as the air looked on Monday morning as my mom and Mike drove me to the airport through the mist. So much has happened, and there is so much to say, but there's not a lot of time so I'll just give a basic update!

There's about 110 of us here (wow!) at a hotel in Rabat for a brief training before we start our PST (pre-service training). We'll be here until next Thursday, and then we go to our CBT (community-based training) sites for 2 months! Our group is actually going to FES for CBT, which is so incredible because Fes is absolutely beautiful and has so much history. We really lucked out! We will be in Fes for the 2 months before finding out our final site, swearing in, and heading to the place where we will spend the next two years!

Everything has been such a whirlwind, but I know a few things for sure:
- These people are awesome
- Morocco reminds me of Egypt, which is like being home in a way, since I missed Cairo so much in the last few years.
- COUS COUS IS SO DELICIOUS!! NOM NOM.
- In more food-related news, there are sooo many veggies at every meal! I'm in heaven! Plus, the meat that I've tried has been way better than in the states (duh).
- I saw the Atlantic and it was gorgeous. We also went to the old city (Medina) here in Rabat and that was gorgeous too. I'll post pictures of all that soon.

- I still have my bartering skills from Cairo! I helped a friend barter a purse down from 160 Dh (about 20 dollars) to 55 (about 7 dollars)!! Woop! What's even cooler is that I was helping with my limited knowledge of French numbers (Thanks, Mary!)
- The language is awesome. What I know from Egypt is helping me a ton more than I thought it would, even though a lot of it is different.

I now have a phone too!! Email me to get the number if you want to call: kirstenazeiter@gmail.com

I have to run because it is dinner time, but more soon! Our time is pretty busy right now, but we'll see!

<3 KAZ

Hybrid Emotions, Under Pressure

In less than one week, it will finally be March 19th. In less than one week, my adventure begins.

I've had a lot of people ask me how I'm feeling about all of this, and I can honestly say that I can't quite put my finger on it, let alone describe it to someone else. It seems too complex for language to capture. I've just finished reading Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides, and I think the author describes this conundrum best:

"Emotions, in my experience, aren't covered by single words. I don't believe in "sadness," "joy," or "regret." Maybe the best proof that the language is patriarchal is that it oversimplifies feeling. I'd like to have at my disposal complicated hybrid emotions. . ."

I've come across a few phrases and words, all in other languages, that capture hybrid emotions in the way Eugenides, like myself, would like to see. Still, there's nothing that quite matches the cocktail of feelings running through my heart and mind during these days. Following Eugenides example, I'd like to create some collision phrases like, "The combination of exhilaration and panic as one takes a step into the unknown," or, "The strange sadness that accompanies happiness when a long wait ends," or, "The unlikely marriage of love for one's home with love for being away." And of course, "The sensation that what's next is all at once real, imaginary, close, far away."

Put another way, this moment feels very much like jumping off a diving board into a cool pool on a very hot day. I don't mean that instant when you hit the water, shocked and refreshed as you're enveloped by it; nor do I mean the time you spend on the board, wavering, then finally deciding to take the plunge. I'm talking about the space between -- that moment after your feet leave the board and there you are, suspended. You're there for a second, maybe two, and you feel several things at once. Instinctively, your body reacts with fear, uncertain about jumping off dry land into the deep water where it's sure to be cold. You think of how nice it was out in the sun, staying dry and warm, and you almost regret your decision. And yet, above all else, you're giddy with excitement about the jump, about the fact that there's no turning back and you're definitely going to get wet and swim for awhile. That suspension, that space between apprehension and excitement, that place where there's no going back but you wouldn't have it any other way -- that's where I am right now.

*          *          * 

Aside from complex emotions and abstract analogies, I am beginning to feel very overwhelmed about how much I still have to do before leaving! Organizing, packing, random administrative tasks, and errands to run -- they've been piling up and I have no idea where the time has gone! It's definitely part of my MO that I like to work under pressure, but this situation is a bit different. (hmm, imagine that!) I suppose most of my time has gone to seeing family and friends instead of packing, but let's be real: who can argue with that? :)

As evidenced by the insane hour at which I'm writing this, I've developed a strange sort of insomnia that I can only attribute to the large amount of tasks before me. I stay up late, telling myself, "I can't go to bed yet, I need to get stuff done. I should really do X, Y, and Z." Do I end up doing X, Y, or Z? No. Instead, I dwell on how much there is to do, argue with myself about how to prioritize and which to tackle first, and then find that it's grown too late to actually make any progress. Shake my head, repeat.

Thankfully, all of the things I ordered online came in time, and I have almost everything I need outside of what a run to Target can fix. In keeping with helpful Peace Corps blogging tradition, I'll post a detailed packing list soon for future volunteers looking for insight. For now, though, all I have to say is that my insanely organized spreadsheet of a packing list has now exploded into actual objects that have taken over the den in our house! This is going to require some seriously awesome packing strategies, a friend or two to bounce ideas off of, and maybe definitely some chocolate to ease the nerves.

I had two very awesome going away parties that I have yet to write about - one in Grand Rapids, and one here on the East Side. Both were wonderful and filled with more friends and loved ones than I had anticipated -- If I find some time, Ill post some stories and pictures from those in the coming days.


6 days!

One Month.

29 days.

4 weeks.

One motto.

Itineraries and reality

This morning, they arrived! The information about staging finally found its way into my inbox -- and with 2 emails, 3 attachments, and one phone call to the travel agency, things just got real. 

Things I now know:

- I will be leaving out of the Detroit metro airport at 7:00 AM on Monday, March 19th, and arriving in Philadelphia at 9:00 AM.

- I will be staying in Philadelphia for one night while we complete staging (very close to the Liberty Bell, I might add)

- I will be boarding a bus to the New York JFK international airport at  10:00 AM on Tuesday, March 20th.

- At 6:45 PM, it's wheels up - I will be on a nonstop flight to Casablanca, Morocco, beginning the adventure of a lifetime.

You might be asking yourself, "What the heck is this 'staging' business she keeps referencing? Why do they stop in Philadelphia for a day?"

Staging is a very brief, intense orientation that we take part in before leaving the country for Morocco. We'll receive our ticket for traveling from JFK to Casablanca, get to know one-another, and get some basic information needed before our full, three-month long Pre-Service Training (PST) in Morocco.

It's comforting to know that we will be taking this first step of our journey in the form of a mini-trip to a US city, meeting our fellow volunteers and making sure we've got all of the bureaucratic necessities taken care of. (Also, a note to future volunteers: don't worry, Peace Corps books and pays for your flight to staging and your accommodations while there! You are taken care of!)

The entire pre-service orientation and training process is extensive, which is both awesome and surprising to some people -- So many people (including myself, two years ago) have this idea in their heads that Peace Corps entails being dropped out of a plane into the middle of nowhere with only so much as a handbook and a "good luck," and that couldn't be farther from the truth! I'll talk more about this in a later post, but we'll have 3 months of intensive training and 2 different host families to introduce us to the culture before they let us loose!

The emails also contained a bunch of other specifics, including some instructions about training modules/classes that we need to complete online before arriving for staging - and I'd be lying if I said the student in me didn't get a little excited about that!

This is actually happening. There is actually a ticket purchased by the Peace Corps for my departure. This is not a hypothetical. This is happening. . . ! Excitement would be an understatement.

Hold on to your hats!

And so it begins

Yesterday, while walking to my car, I absentmindedly pulled out my phone to check my email. I expected Change.org petitions, blog updates, notes from my internship - the usual. Except this time, right at the top, in what seemed to me like huge red block letters, popping out of the screen and ringing bells and whistles (but surely were not doing anything of the kind) were the sender: EMA/Morocco and subject line: Peace Corps Morocco.

I'll be honest: Although my first thought was that it would be an email about staging, my only-a-micro-second-later second thought was that it was going to be a notice of our program being cancelled. The subject line was so simple, and as a result so cryptic, at least to the anxious brain.

If you have an iphone, you know that sometimes, though rarely and apparently only when it senses your anxiety about something, the mail application takes eons to load a single message. The cutesy circular version of the Microsoft hourglass spins and spins, taunting you with the information hidden behind it. I may or may not have stopped walking and gasped audibly when I saw the email. I also may or may not have then shaken the phone and yelled at bit at it when it wouldn't load the message.

FINALLY, after my phone had had its fun and several people were staring, I was able to read the email. It was from the Morocco Country Desk, giving us the first pieces of information about staging! Whew! The email said a lot, but it was basically some updates about our online Welcome Book, a request for resumes and aspiration statements from those who still hadn't sent them (mine are long since turned in!), and - this is the fun part - some questionnaires about training for us to fill out! 

- Language questionnaire: For our first two months of training, we will be spending a lot of time in intensive language classes, mostly learning Darija (Moroccan Arabic). In order to split us up effectively into our smaller language learning groups, they want to know some information about our past language learning experiences, what types of learners we are (visual, audio, etc), and any experience we might have with Arabic. 

- Homestay questionnaire: During training, we will also be living with a Moroccan host family! This questionnaire is meant to help our future host families get to know us a bit, and it looks fun - it asks about our background, hobbies, and preferences, and will be given to our host families (translated into Arabic) before we arrive! Awesome!

As Glinda said, "It's always best to start at the beginning!"

This is certainly the start of a beginning, the beginning of an adventure.

Hold onto your hats!

In Others' Words

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
- Mark Twain

"So much better to travel than to arrive."

- Margaret Atwood

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness,
and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts."

- Mark Twain

“Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry, but by demonstrating that all peoples cry, laugh, eat, worry, and die, it can introduce the idea that if we try and understand each other, we may even become friends.”

 - Maya Angelou

"Leave your doubt at the door,
Or don't you take another step."

- The Crane Wives

Two Months and Counting...

Today is January 19th.

In exactly two months, the date will be March 19th, and I'll be embarking on the journey of a lifetime.

In exactly two months, it's very likely that I'll also be an complete basket case of emotions.
As Kurt Vonnegut might say: Hold on to your hats!

In not-so-exactly one month, I'll be packing up my things and saying 'see you later' to Grand Rapids for now. The basket case might be making an early appearance at this point.

In approximately two minutes (or four, or ten, or anytime at all), I could be feeling any and all of the following:
- Excitement: How amazing is it that I got assigned to MOROCCO?! I had the time of my life studying in Egypt, and I can feel the travel bug buzzing in my ear, louder and brighter each day.
- Nervousness: It's not the service that scares me, or even the culture shock of a foreign country - it's the leaving. It's that moment in the airport, when the hugs end and I'm supposed to walk away.
- Contemplation: There's a lot of self-reflection needed at times like these. I wonder about my intentions, goals, fears, and expectations. I think about the people I'm going to miss and I obsess a little about seeing all of them a lot before I go. I think about life as a journey and as a whole.
- Anticipation: I submitted my application almost a year and a half ago. Waiting this long to finally be leaving has been a whole other set of emotions in and of itself. It's finally going to come to fruition, and there's something simultaneously beautiful and unbelievable about that.
- Being Present: Amid all the other thoughts, I'm trying my best to remain present while I'm here. I'm seeing as much of the people I love as possible, indulging in favorite foods while they're available, and having a ton of fun every day. I have plenty of time to be Moroccan while I'm in Morocco. For now, bring on the pizza, cookies, mac and cheese and good beer.

11:59...12:00. Meet 2012

2012 is here.

Aside from the reflections, resolutions, and well-wishes, the start of 2012 brings something else blazing into the forefront of my mind: It's here. Peace Corps is actually THIS year, instead of some faraway place called next year.

In 2011, no matter how much time passed, Morocco still felt impossibly far away:

"When are you leaving?
"March 19th, 2012"
"Oh you've got a ton of time!"
"I know! Long wait!"

For whatever reason, when someone describes a date that is any year other than the current one, it seems far-off, almost imaginary. Perhaps that's part of the reason we make such a big deal out of that metaphysically insignificant change from 11:59 to 12:00, the reason we buy food and drink and fireworks and hats and sparkles and gather all of our friends together: It makes the next year tangible.

And tangible, it is. Ever since I've returned from my fabulous New Year's vacation, I can't quite seem to focus on anything the same way. I'm delighted to be back in Grand Rapids, the city I've come to call home, but I can sense the bittersweet taste building in the air. I've got about 6 weeks left here. I've already said goodbye to this city once, and I hate the thought of doing it again (When I left for the summer, I thought I was leaving for Peace Corps shortly thereafter). So, I've decided that I'm not going to say goodbye. Like so many departures, this won't be goodbye; it'll be "See you later!" I don't know when or for what duration, but you can bet that I'll be back in this city again, many times.

Still, I can't shake this strange feeling. Its not exactly excitement, but its not nervousness either. Its like seeing someone famous in person, or seeing a project come to fruition for the first time: The idea finally begins to transform into reality, and you're not really sure how to react. You're happy, mostly, but the strange novelty of something that's not actually new throws you. And its never what you expected.

I'm trying to enjoy every last minute of my time here in GR without letting it make me neurotic. By neurotic, I mean that sometimes, when I feel the urge to spend some time alone or stay in for the night (I know its rare for me, but it does happen sometimes!), I'm overcome with this OMG-WHAT-AM-I-DOING-I'M-LEAVING-SOON-NEED-TO-SEE-PEOPLE-AND-PLACES kind of feeling. Or, if I have to turn down a lunch or dinner invitation from a friend, I get this OMG-BUT-I'M-LEAVING-SOON-I-NEED-TO-BALANCE-EVERYTHING sort of feeling. Its mostly harmless, but sometimes it drives me crazy, for obvious reasons. Nobody can be everywhere, see everyone, and make everything rosy always. I know this, but leaving the country does strange things to your thinking.

So, if you find that I'm acting a little bit crazy over the next few months, please bear with me. It's only because I care so much about all of you.

Put it on Paper...Again

After hours of brainstorming, writing, and a bit of obsessive editing, I've FINALLY sent the Morocco Peace Corps staff my Peace Corps Resume and Aspiration Statement. These documents are our formal introduction to the Morocco country staff, and the only real introduction they'll get before we arrive. It will be used in part to focus our training and to identify the areas in which we are strong, weak, interested, etc.

You might be thinking, "Wait...didn't you already fill out an enormous application, submit your resume, write two essays, fill out countless forms about your experience, and go through multiple interviews to get to this point? Doesn't the Peace Corps already have a ton of information about you?"

The answer to these questions is yes, and believe me when I say I was initially just as confused by the additional request for information as you might be. With a little more reading and a lot more context, however, it started to make sense. The staff at the US Peace Corps offices (recruiters, placement officers, etc) does have all of this information about incoming volunteers, but the Morocco country staff has no idea who we are at this point. The US staff needs to send the Morocco staff some comprehensive information about who we are, what we know, what we'd like to do, and all the rest before arrive in March for a 27-month commitment. They could just send them the information they already have, but for one thing, it's pretty out of date. Most of us wrote those application essays and resumes over a year and a half ago, and a lot can (and did) happen between then and now. Plus, we all likely took different spins on the broad essay prompts and included different things in our resumes, making the would-be information packets pretty inconsistent and less useful than they could be.

Thus, here I am after submitting a totally reformatted resume and newly-written Aspiration Statement. The resume wasn't a big thing; just streamlining the format and adding some additional information that they wanted to be included. Though, I must say, it was interesting and awesome seeing how many courses I was able to list under the section containing training and relevant coursework. Thank you, Women & Gender Studies and Political Science! :) With all of the added material, my resume ended up being pretty long - like 4 pages long. In an ordinary situation this would be super problematic, but I figure that its a little bit different here: This is one of only TWO pieces of information the entire Morocco staff will receive about us before we begin working with them for over two YEARS. Probably best to err on the side of thorough, especially since its being used to analyze our strengths, areas of focus, and everything else.

Then there's the Aspiration Statement: quite possibly one of the more difficult and self-reflective documents you'll have to write in a long while. There are five sections that they ask you to include:

A. The professional attributes that I plan to use, and what aspirations I hope to fulfill, during my

Peace Corps service.

B. My strategies for working effectively with host country partners to meet expressed needs.

C. My strategies for adapting to a new culture with respect to my own cultural background.

D. The skills and knowledge I hope to gain during pre-service training to best serve my future

community and project.

E. How I think Peace Corps service will influence my personal and professional aspirations after my service ends.
In a nutshell, they're asking us to sum up all of our rationale, thoughts, hopes, goals, strategies, etc. about the Peace Corps in one document. Not to mention our life goals for AFTER service. Its a pretty daunting idea, really. There is so much to say that it almost begs the question, "Where do I start??" It was nice to be able to divide it up into headings, though; that definitely made it seem more manageable.

After literally months of brainstorming, I finally set out to start and finish the thing last week. (Normally, the Peace Corps wants them within 10 days of accepting your assignment, but there was a little more leeway in our group's case, since there's so much time between invitation and departure.) So there I was again, trying to take a million complex thoughts and actually put them on paper. Even though I'm very confident about my skills as a writer, a part of me always wishes I could just talk with someone rather than going through the process of typing it out in a nice format. Deep down though, I honestly see the benefit of actually thinking it out, organizing it, and putting it on paper. When you write, you're forced to write something more than simply every single thing that pops into your head at random. You have to analyze what you're writing, why you're including it, and what it means. You have to dig deeper, think about what's truly important, and how it all fits together.

We don't begin to write after we understand; we understand after we begin to write.

This may seem a little abstract, but my point is that even after the stress and worry about writing a thorough Aspiration Statement, I'm so glad for the opportunity to have written it. It was moderate in length, about 4 pages (how could you not write several pages with those kind of prompts??) For the section about adapting to a new culture, I wrote a lot about the feminist principle of reflexivity, as discussed in numerous WGS classes along the way at Grand Valley. It was wonderful to re-examine the concept and apply it to what I'll be doing in Morocco. I feel as though I have a clearer vision for what I hope to accomplish, and a better grasp on the strategies I can use to go about it. Of course there will be bumps, twists, and crazy turns in the road, but going in with a basic idea is far better than nothing at all.

Mind the gap.

A very wise student at an awards ceremony at GV last year gave a speech entitled, “Mind the Gap.” She told us how, in London I believe, the subway trains warn passengers as they come and go to, quite literally, “mind the gap!” between the platform and the train. Using this as a framework, she aptly described what nearly all of us soon-to-be-graduates in the room were feeling, but had up until that point been too embarrassed or proud to really articulate: that vast, empty, expansive and seemingly unconquerable canyon of a gap that lay before us after graduation. That enormous question mark that loomed before us, taunting, “What now? You have plans for the far-ahead future, but what about RIGHT now? What on earth will be your very first next step?” All of us felt it, and yet most of us were completely unsure about how to take it. Sure, it was only one step – but that one step would take us from our sturdy, familiar platform onto a fast-moving train to SOMEWHERE far away, somewhere new and different and altogether uncertain - and our feet felt frozen to the spot.

And somehow, 5 months after graduation, it seems that we have all found some way to begin that first step, and to “mind the gap” along the way. A few are past that gap, onto great first jobs in promising career paths or researching in grad school; but most are still caught somewhere in between, working a job to pay the bills, saving up for traveling while we’re still young, or searching desperately for that dream job. And that’s okay, just as that wise GV graduate said to us that afternoon – as long as we remember that it is only a gap – and to not be afraid to step on that train when it arrives.

I reflect on this speech as I’m considering my own gap, my own time spent waiting on the platform. I’d thought that it would only last a few months, that I’d be embarking on my Peace Corps journey in the late summer or early fall of this year. That turned out not to be the case, and (albeit after a few weeks of moping) I’ve come to accept and even cherish it. After all, it means one more Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and birthday at home – and so much more time to prepare. And although I am SO PUMPED about my placement in Morocco for more reasons than I can count, I have to admit that I’ve struggled with this timeline change quite a bit, and am still dealing with it to some degree. What I realized, though, is that the only way to get away from that anxiety was to transform the gap from an empty space into a rich opportunity – and that’s exactly what I’ve set about doing:

I decided I needed to fill my time before leaving with interesting and relevant things, things that would be fulfilling and also useful when I leave – and also that I needed to have a little fun along the way. So, here’s what I’m up to before I go:

-- I’ve moved back to Grand Rapids, since I’m so much more well-connected here to activism, events, cool internships, and other opportunities. Plus, I love this city, plain and simple. I’m going to be spending a lot of time at home though still, visiting on long weekends and staying for extended periods over holidays. I’ll also be moving back home about a month and a half before my actual departure, to leave plenty of time for family and preparations.

-- First, the awesome internship: I’m working part time with WGVU Public Media as a Grants Intern, working mostly on this awesome project called Women and Girls Lead - Check it out! -- Note: The offices are in one of the buildings of the downtown GV campus, so when you see me around, that’s why. I did graduate and get a cool job, I promise!

-- Next, the still awesome but more for financial stability job: I’m teaching LSAT (the law school entrance exam) prep classes for Kaplan test prep. It’s pretty fun, since it’s just a few nights a week and the dork in me finds logical reasoning pretty enjoyable!

-- I’ve got a lot more free time than I’m used to, so I’m doing some volunteer work and other activist-type things. I’m volunteering in the kids’ after school program at the West Michigan Refugee Education and Cultural Center, working with We Are the People, among other things here and there. Oh, and I’m hoping to take another ceramics class while I’m at it!

-- And finally, I’m obsessing about, reading about, and otherwise preparing for Morocco! French lessons, Darija (Moroccan Arabic) lessons, books, guides, ETC! My favorite new thing is this totally kickass facebook group we have going of the volunteers in our staging class (all of us leaving in March for Morocco). Awesome.


In sum, that’s how I’m minding my own gap between now and the start of my Peace Corps service. It sounds like a lot, but surprisingly (or perhaps not so surprisingly if you know how my past schedules were), I do have a lot more free time now than I’ve had in years past. I’m looking forward to this little ‘break’ of sorts, and I know it will fly by much faster than expected. But life is lived in the present, so here I am.

INVITATION!

My invitation has finally arrived!! It came in the mail yesterday afternoon while I was at work, and after an excruciating 10 hours of anticipation, I finally received the news!!

Drumroll please...

Country: Morocco
Job Title: Youth Development Volunteer
Departure Date: March 19, 2012

Updates Updates and More!

Alright, so I realize I've gone a little bit radio silent over the last few months - with the last month at Gv, finals, moving home, the trip to France with my mom, and the summer job, I just hadn't found the time! Plus, with everything being less than certain, I've been putting off updating during the wait. So, here's the super lengthy, long overdue, but feels-good-to-write update that I've finally taken the time to sit down and bang out.


Here's what's happened:


Mid-April - After sending my statement about my prosthesis to the medical office, I received a letter stating that I was cleared for service with medical restrictions - namely, my limb deficiency would restrict my placement to a site with easy access to medical resources and accommodations  for my medical condition. Accommodations! Flabbergasted, I called my contact at the medical office to demand an answer. I explained to the nurse, as I had in my statement, that I did not need any accommodations or assistance with my arm or anything else. I asked her what the letter meant for my placement if the decision stood, and she told me that I would need to be placed somewhere where I could get immediate attention and assistance should anything happen to my prosthesis. Curious, I asked if I was placed into the same category as somebody missing a lower limb, and she said yes. Beside myself but trying to be respectful, I told her that the decision made no sense and that I did not need the same type of assistance as someone missing a lower limb. I told her that I had lived my whole life without limitations, and that I would need to appeal the decision with someone higher up - it didn't stand with my experiences, it didn't stand with my doctor's recommendation, and it didn't stand with my conscience. She told me that she would talk with the medical advisor (or someone to that effect), and call me back within a few days.


A few days later - The nurse I had been talking to called me back, and let me know that the original decision was overturned and I was cleared for service worldwide. She explained that she agreed with me when we spoke on the phone a few days prior, and told the medical advisor all that I had told her. She said, "We are here for you, you know...we're just trying to make sure that all of you get the best placement possible, and I'm glad we could get this straightened out for you. It was really a nice conversation. I got another letter in the mail reflecting the new decision a few days later.


May 3 - Received an email from a placement officer requesting: an updated resume, descriptions of any new experiences since my last resume was sent (back in October), and my final transcript with graduation date. The end of the email said this:
"What happens next is that once your updates are received by me, your Placement Specialist will review your file to determine how we may be able to match you to the next available program that best fits your skills and qualifications, and Peace Corps' needs. During this time, flexibility in geographic preference and departure date will be beneficial. Given our current needs, any new program we may identify for you would be departing between the months of July-September, 2011 at the earliest."

I sent her my updated resume and experiences via email that same day. I had also figured that my new timeline was July-September, so I wasn't surprised in the least.

May 16 - Received final transcript from Gv and faxed it to placement office after returning from my trip to France with my mom.

June 21 - Received a phone call on my way to work from a placement specialist! She said she needed about half an hour to do a phone interview with a few follow-up questions, and we set up a time for midday the following day. I was ecstatic - based on the other peace corps blogs I'd been reading (stalking) online, it seemed like the follow-up interview usually meant that they had a placement in mind. 

June 22 - Had a great phone interview with the placement specialist. It went very well, and I was super excited about the prospect of getting a placement. At the end of the interview, however, she delivered what felt like a huge blow: she said that due to budget cuts, the potential government shutdown earlier in the year, and the resulting backlog of applicants, they were telling people that they would likely not be departing until January-March. I was shocked, but put on a good face (or the equivalent of it in a phone conversation) until we finished our conversation. I have to admit that I was really upset - all I could think about was the fact that I had moved home, away from the city I had grown to love and actually call home, to live with family and spend time with them before leaving, only to find out that I would be waiting another 7-9 months before leaving! The summer job I have is nice for the money, but the thought of hanging around there was awful. Had I known I'd be waiting that long, I would have stayed in Grand Rapids at least for the summer and fall, working with one of the many non-profits / activist groups I was connected with in the area. I was missing Gv friends so much, and the thoughts just wouldn't stop running through my head. I was a bit of a wreck for a few days. I now realize that I overreacted - Peace Corps (and world travel in general, for that matter) requires flexibility and patience, and my first test of those skills went less than well, to say the least. 

Late June - Mid-July - I contemplated a lot of things over the next few weeks, trying to figure out what my next steps should be. I thought about whether I should stick it out and wait for a placement, or move on with grad school applications or a job hunt in DC. While I hated the thought of waiting, I hated the thought of never doing Peace Corps even more - I knew that I would regret it my whole life if I didn't go. I talked with close friends and mentors, and each and every one made the same points: this is a gift; take the time to do things you love; stay with the Peace Corps; this is out of your control, so stop fretting about it. Live life. In short, calm the F down and love what you have. After a weekend spend in GR with amazing friends over the 4th of July, I finally began to come around to their wise words. I started to make plans to move back to GR, work some part time jobs, read for pleasure, and spend time with friends in the city that I love. I calmed down, and felt better about things. I really do owe it to those friends and mentors who supported me through my perhaps unnecessary, but still totally real, moment of freak-out.

July 15- Just as I'm becoming more comfortable about the idea of waiting, I wake up to a huge surprise. Rolling over in my bed to check my phone, I groggily open my email - and see a new message from the Peace Corps: My status has been updated in my toolkit online! My eyelids snap open, and I rush to open my account online. Still on my phone because its so much quicker than my computer these days, I see in large letters on the header of my account: Congratulations, you've been invited to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer! I can't believe it - wasn't I supposed to be waiting until January? Did this mean I did have a placement after all? Trying not to get too excited, I get ready for work and called my placement specialist on my way to work. After we said hello, she says, "I guess you're calling because you saw the update on your account!" I say yes, and she replies, "Yeah, well I guess we are looking at a bit of an earlier timeline than we thought - unfortunately I can't tell you any of the details now over the phone, but your invitation is in the mail and should be to you within 10 days!" I'm ecstatic - I might be leaving in the early fall after all! I decide not to tell too many people, besides my mom, of course - I figure I've been giving people enough of a roller-coaster of updates, and just in case something goes awry, I'll wait until I actually get my packet to share the news.

Needless to say, I've been all over the Peace Corps Wiki Timeline page looking up potential countries in the next few months. There's too may possibilities to narrow it down, but its cool to be able to see a list of possibilities! If I've done my math right, I THINK the earliest I could leave is August 26th (6 weeks out). That is so soon! Ahh! I'm thinking its likely going to be sometime in October, but really it could be anywhere in the next few months. Who knows?! I suppose I will within the next 8 days or so! =D

"Additional Information"

I got two calls from the Peace Corps medical office this past Thursday the 14th.


First, the nurse at the medical office asked me about my prosthesis. I wasn't surprised, since they didn't ask for any additional forms or information about it aside from a few short questions in my medical packet. On the initial online medical survey, there is a box for "uses assistive device (e.g. prosthesis, etc)." So, I checked it. In my medical review packet, the only questions about it for my doctor asked things like, "What assistance does the volunteer need?" "What additional accommodations would this volunteer need?" etc. Since none of that applies to me, my doctor simply wrote "N/A." The nurse said this was contradictory, since I wrote that I use an assistive device, but my doctor wrote that I didn't need assistance. I told her that using an assistive device does NOT necessitate needing additional assistance - those are two distinct things. She still said she was going to have to send it back to my doctor for more information, and I was not at all pleased.


A few hours later, though, the nurse called me again. She said that she had gotten the information straightened out, and would not need additional information from my doctor after all. (Thank goodness! That probably would have taken forever!) All I have to do is write a personal statement about my prosthesis - how long I've had it, how I use it, and describing the fact that I don't have any limitations. After they receive that, she said I'll be medically cleared! Yes! The only strange thing was that she said they needed the personal statement to help the placement officer make sure "that I get the most meaningful placement possible." I'm not really sure what that means...my guess at this point is that they just want to make sure I really don't have any limitations, before they place me somewhere with more limited access - and "meaningful" is code for "safe" in this context.


Hopefully next time I write I'll be medically cleared!

Chronicling the Process

Hello!

 My original intention was to hold off on creating a blog until I received a placement, but some friends have successfully convinced me that it might be interesting to write about my experiences with the placement process and all of the excitement/emotion/frustration/joy/anticipation that comes with it.

 I've created a page with my complete timeline, and will continue to update that as I find out more. There's also an "About the Peace Corps" page, but as I am a college student in her last term of school (..eek!), there's not much time to complete that at the time being. Feel free to leave comments, questions, or suggestions for things you'd like to see me discuss. I've also never had a blog before (unless you count LiveJournal back in high school..), so I'd love some suggestions for formatting, things to include / not to include, etc. Oh, and a special thanks to the lovely Meghan McAffee, who helped me come up with the name. :)

 An interesting update: Up until this point, I've been under the impression that I was scheduled to leave in late summer / early fall, probably in the month of September. Today, my curiosity got the best of me and I called my recuiter to confirm that (since my nomination did change a few times) and to try and get more answers. To the surprise of both of us, my program code indicates that I'm tentitively assigned to be an HIV/AIDS health volunteer (still within community development), leaving in early summer (May-June). Nomenee (my recruiter) thought that this didn't seem right, given my timeframe and experience, and promised to get in contact with my placement officer in DC for more answers. I'll be calling him back on Friday to see how that discussion went.

 When I applied, I was totally prepared and ready to leave after graduation. I put on my availability that I could leave beginning May 30th, and that sounded entirely fine to me. Now that I've been operating under the assumption that I was leaving in September, the early summer timeframe seems impossibly early...I honestly can't imagine leaving so soon. I suppose I'll need to begin adjusting to that idea, but I can't help but hope that it ends up being closer to September.

UPDATE:
I spoke with Nomenee today, and he said its not likely that either of us will hear anything from the placement staff in DC until May 1st. First, I haven't even gotten medical clearance yet, and that could take a few months. Second, there are a lot of applicants ahead of me who haven't even gotten placements yet, so the timeline is really up in the air. It sounds like many people are leaving after their original timeline, so it seems (or at least I'm hoping) that all of this means I'll be leaving closer to the late summer / early fall after all!