In Others' Words

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
- Mark Twain

"So much better to travel than to arrive."

- Margaret Atwood

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness,
and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts."

- Mark Twain

“Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry, but by demonstrating that all peoples cry, laugh, eat, worry, and die, it can introduce the idea that if we try and understand each other, we may even become friends.”

 - Maya Angelou

"Leave your doubt at the door,
Or don't you take another step."

- The Crane Wives

Two Months and Counting...

Today is January 19th.

In exactly two months, the date will be March 19th, and I'll be embarking on the journey of a lifetime.

In exactly two months, it's very likely that I'll also be an complete basket case of emotions.
As Kurt Vonnegut might say: Hold on to your hats!

In not-so-exactly one month, I'll be packing up my things and saying 'see you later' to Grand Rapids for now. The basket case might be making an early appearance at this point.

In approximately two minutes (or four, or ten, or anytime at all), I could be feeling any and all of the following:
- Excitement: How amazing is it that I got assigned to MOROCCO?! I had the time of my life studying in Egypt, and I can feel the travel bug buzzing in my ear, louder and brighter each day.
- Nervousness: It's not the service that scares me, or even the culture shock of a foreign country - it's the leaving. It's that moment in the airport, when the hugs end and I'm supposed to walk away.
- Contemplation: There's a lot of self-reflection needed at times like these. I wonder about my intentions, goals, fears, and expectations. I think about the people I'm going to miss and I obsess a little about seeing all of them a lot before I go. I think about life as a journey and as a whole.
- Anticipation: I submitted my application almost a year and a half ago. Waiting this long to finally be leaving has been a whole other set of emotions in and of itself. It's finally going to come to fruition, and there's something simultaneously beautiful and unbelievable about that.
- Being Present: Amid all the other thoughts, I'm trying my best to remain present while I'm here. I'm seeing as much of the people I love as possible, indulging in favorite foods while they're available, and having a ton of fun every day. I have plenty of time to be Moroccan while I'm in Morocco. For now, bring on the pizza, cookies, mac and cheese and good beer.

11:59...12:00. Meet 2012

2012 is here.

Aside from the reflections, resolutions, and well-wishes, the start of 2012 brings something else blazing into the forefront of my mind: It's here. Peace Corps is actually THIS year, instead of some faraway place called next year.

In 2011, no matter how much time passed, Morocco still felt impossibly far away:

"When are you leaving?
"March 19th, 2012"
"Oh you've got a ton of time!"
"I know! Long wait!"

For whatever reason, when someone describes a date that is any year other than the current one, it seems far-off, almost imaginary. Perhaps that's part of the reason we make such a big deal out of that metaphysically insignificant change from 11:59 to 12:00, the reason we buy food and drink and fireworks and hats and sparkles and gather all of our friends together: It makes the next year tangible.

And tangible, it is. Ever since I've returned from my fabulous New Year's vacation, I can't quite seem to focus on anything the same way. I'm delighted to be back in Grand Rapids, the city I've come to call home, but I can sense the bittersweet taste building in the air. I've got about 6 weeks left here. I've already said goodbye to this city once, and I hate the thought of doing it again (When I left for the summer, I thought I was leaving for Peace Corps shortly thereafter). So, I've decided that I'm not going to say goodbye. Like so many departures, this won't be goodbye; it'll be "See you later!" I don't know when or for what duration, but you can bet that I'll be back in this city again, many times.

Still, I can't shake this strange feeling. Its not exactly excitement, but its not nervousness either. Its like seeing someone famous in person, or seeing a project come to fruition for the first time: The idea finally begins to transform into reality, and you're not really sure how to react. You're happy, mostly, but the strange novelty of something that's not actually new throws you. And its never what you expected.

I'm trying to enjoy every last minute of my time here in GR without letting it make me neurotic. By neurotic, I mean that sometimes, when I feel the urge to spend some time alone or stay in for the night (I know its rare for me, but it does happen sometimes!), I'm overcome with this OMG-WHAT-AM-I-DOING-I'M-LEAVING-SOON-NEED-TO-SEE-PEOPLE-AND-PLACES kind of feeling. Or, if I have to turn down a lunch or dinner invitation from a friend, I get this OMG-BUT-I'M-LEAVING-SOON-I-NEED-TO-BALANCE-EVERYTHING sort of feeling. Its mostly harmless, but sometimes it drives me crazy, for obvious reasons. Nobody can be everywhere, see everyone, and make everything rosy always. I know this, but leaving the country does strange things to your thinking.

So, if you find that I'm acting a little bit crazy over the next few months, please bear with me. It's only because I care so much about all of you.